


Close Encounters of the Bizarre Kind

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 19:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14600082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: Chakotay finds himself in another man's body...and that man is making love to the woman of his dreams!I've surprised myself again by writing this! It's about as close to kinky sex as you'll get from me.Setting: mid to late voyageWeird is part of the job. (Kathryn Janeway, Deadlock.)





	Close Encounters of the Bizarre Kind

Disclaimer: All characters belong to CBS/Paramount. The story is mine.  


Their eyes met…oh so briefly…and Chakotay answered her look of longing with one of his own. He knew what the unspoken words meant. She would much rather it were with him. But she wouldn't, couldn't allow herself to cross that barrier. 

Her eyes returned to the tall slender alien just behind her, who was as attentive and solicitous as any host could be. The man was rubbing her shoulder with one hand and speaking softly into her ear. They were plainly attracted to each other, and it was obvious to Chakotay that the Captain was about to allow herself a rare intimate indulgence. 

It hurt. It hurt like hell. Of course, he was jealous, but he couldn't begrudge her the joy of being loved for just a few short hours. He'd done the same thing himself a number of times, and he knew that on those occasions he'd hurt her too, at least when she was aware of it. 

He turned away, despondent but resigned. They'd both taken care that the rest of the crew were far away, unable to witness what was happening here. He'd had a pleasant enough evening himself, with more than a few interested females. This was a fairly liberal planet in its sexual mores. Short uncommitted encounters were frequent, driven by self-indulgence and lust. But they would never satisfy him, no more than they would satisfy Kathryn. They would give nothing more than a temporary thrill. He longed for the spiritual connection, the union of body and soul. Deep down he knew that Kathryn was the one woman he could find that with. 

The blonde woman, Chekura, stood watching the exchange with rising curiosity. She correctly read what was going on here. She saw at once the love, the sexual tension and the long denial between these two passionate visitors to her community. Here was a force that demanded to be tapped into…potentially explosive, powerful and intriguing. What a gift! She smiled to herself. It was too delicious to be true. She could have some fun with this, and the dark stranger with the curious markings on his head was very appealing…to put it mildly. 

She stepped towards him decisively. She'd seen his earlier appreciation of her form. She knew he was attracted to her. Her pale hair and slender figure had caught his eye, and she knew she looked good in her cerise silk gown. 

Her hand fell on his shoulder and she smiled beguilingly into his face. She asked him to dance and he acquiesced quite willingly. She was charming and beautiful, probably the equivalent of ten years younger than himself, with a sparkle in her blue eyes that reminded him of Kathryn. 

She drew in close, which didn't surprise him, and they swayed…it could hardly be called dancing…in time with the soft music. Chakotay sighed. She smelt heavenly. If only… 

She engaged him in gentle conversation. She told him of her home, her family, her dreams, and she asked him about his. 

Once, she nodded in Kathryn's direction. "You love her, don't you?" she asked, rather surprising him. 

Chakotay almost laughed. "Is it that obvious?" 

"Pretty much. But I should remind you…we are an empathic race." 

Chakotay had known that, but it still disconcerted him that he could be read so easily. 

They danced around for some time, as the woman wove her hand into his hair, and brushed her lips on his neck. She was clearly inviting him for so much more than dancing, and Chakotay began to release himself to the experience. The familiar tingle of arousal began to heat his body. 

"I think you're going to have just as interesting an evening yourself," she whispered huskily. She was pressing her body firmly into his, and was delighted to note that he was reacting in the way she wanted. "Come back with me…and I will show you something amazing. I can give you your heart's desire, just for one evening! An experience you will never forget! Trust me, you will thank me profoundly when I have finished with you!" She stepped back and smiled at him seductively, without releasing one of his hands. 

Who was Chakotay to resist such an offer? He simply couldn't. He was a hot blooded man with needs like any other, and he smiled back with mounting excitement. Chekura tugged on his hand, and drew him with a seductive sway towards the exit. He followed with a laugh, which almost died on his lips as he briefly glimpsed Kathryn engrossed with her alien, who by now had a hand very low on her back. 

They travelled long corridors, and the discordant throng of the celebrations ebbed away into the distance. The strange sounds of the Selorian night began to surround them. Chakotay observed that they were reaching what looked like a sleeping area, with a large number of rooms reminiscent of the more luxurious officers' quarters at Starfleet. Chekura led him mostly in silence, punctuated occasionally by a smile or a giggle. She was clearly looking forward eagerly to their encounter, and Chakotay found his own interest gathering rapidly. 

Chekura stopped outside a door, and keyed her way into what was evidently her own room. She pulled Chakotay in behind her and he swiftly found himself in her embrace, as she lunged for his lips with undisguised hunger, her hands sweeping his body feverishly. 

She stepped back with a squeeze of his buttock, and excused herself temporarily. She disappeared into a backroom and Chakotay could hear her searching for something. He took a moment to study his surroundings. It was a strange room, with an arched ceiling, reminiscent of a cave. The walls were dull earthy brown colours, but there were fabrics of bright greens and oranges arranged decoratively around the place. A large window appeared to open to a dark city landscape. 

Some alien, not unpleasant, music began to fill the room, and he turned to see Chekura re-entering the room. She was smiling broadly, anticipating the fun to be had, and he answered with an eager smile of his own. Stepping up to her, he took her in his arms, kissed her soundly and nuzzled her ear. He almost had time to sense a sudden movement on her part, before he felt the sharp pain of something slamming into his neck. 

For a moment he felt dizzy, and the room seemed to shimmer. He gasped in shock, and his eyes sought Chekura's in anger, but her face faded disconcertingly before him. As he looked around, and the room seemed to change. The furnishings, the colouring…all was similar, but the orientation of the surrounding rooms seemed different. For some strange reason, he seemed to be surveying things from a height. A wave of nausea hit him, which abated after a few deep breaths, and somehow he managed to regain his balance. He was sure this was a different room. What was going on? 

"I'll get you a drink!" said a strange male voice, which disturbed him by appearing to come from his own throat. 

A distant female voice, one he recognised instantly, sang out from a side room. "That would be lovely." Chakotay turned his eyes and saw Kathryn returning to the room, with a relaxed smile on her face. He smiled back, but the feeling was peculiar. 

Suddenly, he lurched forward towards a drinks cabinet and opened the door. He selected a bottle and two glasses and dispensed two drinks. How had he known the bottle was there? Chakotay felt a renewed sense of shock, as he realised he had little or no control over his body. Correction, he had little or no control over this body, he thought. These were not his hands…not these strange things, with six elongated fingers and a greenish hue. 

He saw also that he was not wearing his own clothes. He was wearing a long flowing green tunic. It was exactly like one he had seen being worn by the man paying Kathryn so much attention earlier. 

He turned towards Kathryn and handed her one of the glasses. Her eyes were twinkling happily. "Thank you, Raniil." 

"Selorian brandy. Only the best," said the voice. "I think you'll like it." 

Kathryn took a sip. Her eyes widened in surprise, but she smiled. "I do. It's rather good. Rich. Aromatic…and quite a kick to it." 

"Yes, it has," answered Raniil, with an amused smile. Chakotay suddenly sensed the other man's thoughts. He was studying Kathryn's petite form, and appreciating it thoroughly. He desired her. Chakotay could sense it. It was finally dawning on him what was happening here, or appeared to be happening, and the horror of his situation was beginning to fill him. He was in another man's body. To be precise, he was in the body of the man who had taken Kathryn back to his own room that night, and who was clearly planning to have his way with her. Raniil took a deep draught of his drink, and Chakotay gulped at the strange sensation of a fiery liquid burning its way down his throat. 

Chakotay protested vehemently, but Raniil and Chekura were either oblivious to his pleas or simply ignoring him. He thrashed about frantically to find a way out, but found he had no control of the body he inhabited. 

Raniil placed his glass back on the counter. He….they stepped towards Kathryn, and a hand lifted to cup the side of Kathryn's face, worming its way into the fine silk curtain of hair. The soft kiss of Kathryn's tresses on the long fingers sent a thrill coursing through Chakotay. The thumb swept admiringly across her brow, and the multitude of fingers delved farther, curling their way around her slender neck. Kathryn's eyes closed as she allowed Raniil's touch to stir her. Chakotay quickly began to lose his annoyance and discomfort at what was happening to him. The experience of touching Kathryn was electrifying. 

The other hand slipped around her waist, sliding down towards a buttock and drawing her closer. The hand behind her head steered her lips towards Raniil's, and Kathryn had to rise on her toes to match the towering height of the man embracing her. The next thing Chakotay felt was the touch of Kathryn's lips, the delightful experience of tasting her. Chakotay allowed himself to revel in the sensation, and soon felt the duel of tongues that signalled an intensifying of the charge between them. 

As Raniil's strange hand began to slide the strap of Kathryn's dress from her shoulder, it finally occurred to Chakotay that this was all wrong. No matter how indignant he was about what was happening to him, he felt far worse about what was about to happen to Kathryn. He began to feel he was violating her in some way. She wasn't consenting to this, well not exactly. She was showing complete enthusiasm for interacting with Raniil, but she was totally unaware of Chakotay's presence. 

His mind protested at the betrayal of the trust she was placing in the other man. At that moment, he felt a wall of intransigence thrown at him, and Chakotay realised for the first time that Raniil was just as aware of his presence. _Stay out of this! This woman wants this…Hell, she even needs this. Look at her!_ Chakotay did. Kathryn was melting into the passion very obviously. In fact, her hands were kneading Raniil's backside in a very distracting manner. _Don't interfere. You'll ruin everything…for all three of us._

_She doesn't know I'm here. How can she consent to this?_

_My body is doing this, and she is fully consenting. And she need never know you were here. So clear off, or stop fighting this and come along for the ride._

Chakotay quietened. He realised that Raniil was used to this kind of experience, or he certainly would have responded to Chakotay's presence rather sooner. He hadn't sent any thoughts in Chakotay's direction until he had been forced to. 

If Chakotay could have withdrawn, he would have…out of deference to the woman he loved. But he had no control over this, could find no means of escape. Moreover, he felt everything Raniil did and the body they inhabited was becoming rapidly aroused. Chakotay soon found he could hardly string any coherent thoughts together, let alone entertain any further thoughts of flight. 

The dress slipped softly down Kathryn's body, exposing the perfect sculpture of her breasts. Both men gave a gasp of appreciation. "You're so beautiful!" said their voices in unison. 

Kathryn gave a sideways smile and stepped back towards them, pushing her hands under the tunic and beginning to run her hands tantalisingly over their chest. 

The clothes were soon gone, the room had somehow metamorphosed into a bedroom, and they were soon writhing on a bed. Chakotay was quickly learning the feel of her skin, the shape of her body, the sensation of her nipples rolled on an alien tongue. He watched her body as it arched in response, heard the husky sighs that escaped her throat…all things he had dreamed of learning, but had hardly dared to imagine he ever would. Maybe this was a gift. And…oh sweet heaven…he could feel her hands on a certain sensitive part of their anatomy. It was hard, almost painfully so. He had never felt so desperate for completion in his life. 

Raniil wasn't waiting any longer either. Their combined strength was soon pounding furiously home, relishing the stroke of her velvet flesh on the sensitive bulbous tissue. It was warm, moist and welcoming, receiving what was offered eagerly and greedily. Together they were soon soaring to unimaginable heights. The strong sensual current lifted them ever upward, and for long delicious moments they teetered on the edge of an impossibly high precipice, until at last he felt a deliciously powerful contraction that signalled the onset of release. With a loud shout, he let go of all the passion he had stored up over the years for this woman, and wallowed in the exquisite tremors that radiated outwards from the genitalia, driving their way right through the body and almost shocking in their intensity. Within seconds, he felt Kathryn herself spasm powerfully around him. Amazing gasps filled the air, and he heard for the first time the unforgettable sound of Kathryn Janeway in sexual fulfilment. It was a sound he would take with him for the rest of his life. 

Raniil's head fell by Kathryn's shoulder, as both bodies struggled to regain their breath, and Chakotay begged the spirits that this would not be the last time he experienced this. He couldn't settle for one single time. He couldn't settle for sharing. He wanted to have this woman completely to himself. All of her and forever. 

Raniil rose up and sat on his heels admiring the woman spread on the bed. Chakotay, mesmerised, swallowed the same incredible vision as Raniil. Kathryn's breasts were heaving with the exertion. Her hair was mussed, splayed out across her face and the pillow. Her eyes were dark and mysterious, half closed as she peered through the wayward strands, but a satisfied smile was playing on her lips. She had clearly been enjoying herself, and Chakotay tried to burn this image into his memory for all eternity. 

A few appreciative and complimentary comments passed between the two active players. 

" _Een gehor_ , you are beautiful!" said Raniil with a laugh. "And totally amazing." 

"You're pretty amazing yourself." 

Raniil stared into the supine woman's eyes for a long time, before sweeping downwards to enjoy another look at her very obvious assets. Kathryn caught the direction of his gaze, and parted her legs invitingly. 

Chakotay gasped at her wantonness. He hadn't envisaged Kathryn being quite such an uninhibited lover, nor so quickly ready for more after what had in essence been an energetic and powerful first coupling. He immediately caught on to what she desired, and Raniil sensed the thought from him. Two long thumbs parted the engorged flesh, and they dove in to satisfy their collective thirst and drink their fill. Chakotay experienced the joy of tasting Kathryn so intimately. Several of Raniil's many long fingers began a quest of discovery, snaking their way deeply inside. Chakotay felt a sudden wash of confusion from Raniil. _Where the hell was the sensitive spot in a human female?_

_Right there!_ thought Chakotay, realising with a flutter of excitement that he was for the moment directing proceedings. As Raniil responded, his long curly tongue latched on to the target, and Kathryn shrieked deliriously. 

Two hours went by, Kathryn and Raniil hardly letting up. Both enjoying every moment to the full. Both had given and taken. There had been moments of pure lust and moments of extreme tenderness. Chakotay couldn't fault Raniil in his treatment of her. 

At long last, Kathryn and Raniil lay quietly side by side, exhausted. Kathryn's hand was drifting gently over Raniil's torso. 

"Thank you for a wonderful evening." 

"It was my pleasure." 

"I needed it." 

"You shouldn't starve yourself. You have one hell of an appetite, and you shouldn't waste your talents!" 

She grinned, and slapped him playfully on the arm. "I have to go." 

"Can't you stay the night?" 

"I'm sorry. It's late and I don't want to incite any unnecessary comment." 

"I think you are too sensitive." 

"Maybe." 

"Every woman has her needs. Even captains." 

"Hmm." 

"You're lonely too. You need a man's arms round you at night." 

"I can't have that luxury." 

"Why not? You're a warrior. I'm surprised there's not a dozen men on your crew queuing up to serve you in that way." 

Kathryn laughed at the unlikelihood of such a scenario. "Even if there were, it's not that simple. Captains have to keep a certain distance from their crew." 

" _For klar!_ You can have sex without destroying that. As you're just as skilful in the bedroom as you are on the Bridge, it could only add to the mystique. You'd be a legend in both places." 

"You don't understand. We humans need the spiritual connection for intimacy to be satisfying." 

"And there is no one on the ship who can give that to you?" Kathryn almost answered, but changed her mind, pressing her lips together firmly. "Oh, I think I understand," continued Raniil. "There is someone…." 

Kathryn looked at Raniil curiously. How much of this was the man able to sense, or was he just guessing? "Yes," she said softly. Chakotay's heart skipped. This conversation was wandering along very intriguing lines. 

"You need a man who can fill you, Kathryn. Who can match your passion and fuel your fiery hunger. A man who sees you as a woman not just a captain, admires you and respects you but won't let you get away with walking all over him. Someone who's prepared to take command in the bedroom, and yet loves you with a surprising tenderness. You need such a man, and you know who he is, don't you?" 

"Perhaps," she answered shyly. 

"And you love him, don't you?" 

Chakotay was holding his breath now, as he awaited Kathryn's response. "Yes," came her soft, but definite reply. Did she mean him? Oh, spirits…please let her mean him! 

"Your angry warrior. He loves you too…more than you know." 

Kathryn's breath hitched. How had that designation entered Raniil's consciousness? Her eyes narrowed, and suddenly her gaze seemed to pierce through Raniil's outer shell, straight into Chakotay's soul. 

"Chakotay?" For a moment, Chakotay felt she saw him there. He felt strangely visible, and he wriggled uncomfortably. She seemed to be looking straight at him. 

"Yes." 

Kathryn's focus came back to Raniil's face curiously. "Is he here?" 

"I'm empathic," covered Raniil quickly. "Besides, I saw the way he looked at you earlier." 

"I think I'd better go," said Kathryn quickly, somewhat perturbed by what she thought she'd seen for a fleeting moment. She rose from the bed and started dressing. 

"Dodging the issue?" 

"I don't have to answer you." 

"No you don't. But I think you should ask it of yourself. Why do you deny yourself happiness? You were never meant to be alone, Kathryn Janeway. You have so much to give, and you have the needs of an impassioned woman. It is not healthy to starve yourself of affection or physical intimacy." 

Raniil rambled on for a while, and Kathryn made little comment in response. By the time she was dressed and ready to go, however, her attitude had softened a little. At the door, she turned and thanked Raniil again for a wonderful evening. She smiled appreciatively and kissed him on the cheek this time, her fingers lingering for just a moment on his shoulder. 

"Tomorrow night? Your ship will still be in orbit?" asked Raniil hopefully, his long fingers drifting tenderly on her bare arm. 

"I'd love to, but I daren't. I can't risk another evening off the ship…" 

Raniil nodded sadly, but he understood. "Well then, Kathryn Janeway, if you won't be in my bed tomorrow night…be in his." 

* * *

  


Moments after Kathryn had left, Chakotay felt a strong tug on his being, and suddenly he found himself staring dizzily at Chekura, as she unclipped a small round device from his neck. He looked around and found he was in another bedroom, standing naked and disorientated in the middle of the room. Chekura was partially dressed, but his own clothes were strewn all around the place. They had been abandoned in something of a frenzy. They had clearly had what amounted to an energetic encounter whilst he had been in his trance. 

"Welcome back," said Chekura with a smile. "Was it as good as you hoped? It certainly seemed as if it was." 

"What the hell has been going on? What did you do to me?" 

"You've been on a journey. This little device is miraculous, isn't it?" 

"How dare you! I gave no permission to you to abuse me like that! You never asked me if…" 

"Oh, relax. If I had, you'd never have agreed. You're far too principled for that!" 

"Dead right I wouldn't!" said Chakotay angrily, grabbing his pants hastily and beginning to dress. "You've violated my privacy…Raniil's and Kathryn's." 

"Get a grip on yourself! Raniil's used to this kind of thing. Your Captain will never know what happened. She'll go home blissfully happy, a damned great smile on her face, and completely oblivious to the true nature of her activity this evening. You should do the same! I gave you the chance of a lifetime. You can go back to your dull insulated life now, and know what it feels like to make love to her. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy the experience…because I know differently. I had the ride of my life, thanks to your intense desire for her…and if I did, so did she. It was your passion and love for her that enabled Raniil to give so much to her. All four of us benefited from this! We all had one hell of a night!" 

"You had no right!" 

"Too bad. Go complain to the authorities, if you like. No-one here's going to care one iota. It's common practice around here. You were willing to take the risk with a complete stranger, and maybe you got more than you bargained for, but that was the risk you took! What happened wasn't significantly different from the many bouts of fantasizing you've indulged yourself in over the years, so I don't buy your _holier than you_ attitude. If you've any sense, you'll go back and remember it fondly. I enjoyed myself immensely, thank you very much," she said huffily, "and no amount of protest on your part will convince me that you didn't." Chekura straightened her back haughtily and headed for the door. She palmed the controls and pointedly held it open for him. "Find your own way out!" 

Chakotay grabbed the rest of his clothes into a bundle and made for the exit. "I don't even know if it was real…or just some elaborate hoax or hallucination…" 

Chekura peered at him snootily. "It was as close to real as you're ever going to get." Chakotay glared frostily into her eyes, and wondered if it was worth a retort. He decided instead to make his escape. 

* * *

  


Chakotay was extremely preoccupied as he transported back to the ship, and he barely acknowledged the few people he encountered. He retired quietly to his quarters, and he knew sleep would elude him that night. He was, in varying degrees, angry, resentful, elated and confused. He couldn't be sure how much of what he'd seen was real. Some part of him hoped it wasn't. He couldn't reconcile himself with the part he had played in it, if it had been. He had invaded Kathryn's privacy, and he felt mortified that he had. It didn't matter that he hadn't done so willingly, nor had he had any means of escape once he realised what was going on. Worse, he would now know what he was missing out on for the rest of his life. 

Another part of him prayed it was real. If it was, he did now know what it was like to make love to her…and it was damned incredible. But the conversation she had had with Raniil was more precious to him than he really wanted to admit. She had confessed her love for him, albeit to another man, and that was something he was terrified would be taken from him. 

No, he couldn't be sure. Did he really know how soft her skin was? How she tasted? The touch of her lips in unbelievable places! How she looked when aroused? What it felt like to be inside her? How she climaxed? Every memory here was sacred. And yet every one of them might have been an illusion. 

As he had anticipated, he barely slept at all. He spent much of the night pacing his floor, or thrashing about on his bed. By the time he went up on the Bridge the next morning, he looked as exhausted as he felt. A buoyant Kathryn was already in her seat, looking fresh as a daisy. 

The Bridge crew greeted him in their usual breezy manner. The Captain, however, was slower than usual to do so. 

As he sat in his seat to her left, she finally turned to him and spoke. "Good morning, Commander!" 

Her eyes met his. There was a strange expression in their glassy depths… a mixture of curiosity and wariness. His own eyes could not disguise his anxiety, and there was a flash of recognition between them. In an instant, they both knew the shocking truth. Firstly, that this was no illusion. It had actually happened. Secondly that, contrary to Chekura's belief, Kathryn had, at least in one tiny instant, recognised Chakotay's presence. 

The Captain stood to full height and began to walk stiffly across the Bridge. "Ready Room, now!" she ordered. 

Chakotay stood and followed meekly, trying hard to prevent the tremors he felt showing in his faltering steps. 

The door closed behind them, and Kathryn went to the upper level and began to pace the floor. A silent Chakotay watched her in trepidation. His heart was in his throat. 

Finally she stopped and looked directly at him. "Can you explain what happened last night?" 

"After we left the ball?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady. 

"Yes." 

Chakotay swallowed. Ordinarily, he would not want to be discussing something like this with his Captain and best friend. He preferred that she didn't know. He always felt he was betraying her in some way, when he went with another woman. "I went back to Chekura's room…" 

"The blonde woman in pink?" 

"Yes." Kathryn rolled her eyes slightly, as if to say she wasn't surprised. "We went back to her rooms, and had intimate relations." Chakotay dearly hoped that this was all he need admit to, but he feared the worst. 

"Is that all?" Kathryn's piercing gaze told him that she was not going to let him off the hook. 

"Not exactly." 

"Well…what do you mean?" 

"I'm not sure I can explain… She disappeared for a few minutes, came back and slapped some device on my neck. It made me very dizzy. I became unconscious of my surroundings." 

"Chakotay, did you leave Chekura's room at any point? Before coming back to the ship, I mean." 

"Not physically, no." 

"But?" 

"It was as if my consciousness transported into another man's body. I became aware of everything he was doing…could see everything he could see…sense his thoughts…and feel everything he could." 

"The man you are talking about…it was Raniil, wasn't it?" 

"Yes…I'm sorry, Kathryn. I had no control over it. I'm not sure Raniil did either. Chekura did something with that device, and I was unable to take myself out of the situation by my own power. I tried…I really did. I protested that it wasn't right, but they weren't listening. It only ended when Chekura pulled me back. Please believe me, Kathryn…I never would have willingly done this to you." Kathryn raised an eyebrow at this. 

"But why? Why did she do it?" 

"Apparently, she thought it would enhance the experience…for all of us. She said she was tapping into the feelings we had for each other." 

Kathryn digested this unpalatable news for a few moments before beginning to pace the floor again. "So it wasn't my imagination that I thought you were there in the room with us…" 

"No," Chakotay confessed in shame. 

"How long were you there?" 

Chakotay drew in a deep breath. "For all of it." 

"Oh…G-d!" said Kathryn in embarrassment. "And you saw…" 

"Everything. Kathryn…I'm so sorry." She stopped abruptly and threw her eyes to the ceiling for a moment, before stalking over to the sofa. She slumped down, burying her head in her hands. 

Chakotay hesitated for a few seconds before taking his place next to her. He gingerly placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, wary of overstepping the mark. "Kathryn?" 

"Damn…this is so humiliating." 

"No. Don't think like that. You were magnificent." Her uncertain eyes grazed his briefly. 

"You aren't supposed to see your Captain like that!" 

"No. Not my Captain. But I always hoped one day to see my Kathryn like that." 

"Huh! Your dreams came true, then!" 

"In a manner of speaking. And you were every bit as beautiful as I'd imagined." 

"Yeah…right…" 

"I mean it." He paused before adding, "Kathryn, I heard your conversation with Raniil afterwards." 

"Oh G-d. This just gets worse!" 

"No. It just gets better! I'm rather glad I heard your little confession. I wouldn't have had Chekura do this to us for anything, but I am glad I heard you say that you loved me. Because I love you, and I don't suppose you'd ever have told me the truth to my face." 

"Chakotay, I don't know what to say…" 

"You don't have to say anything. But it's no use hiding behind the pretence we don't love each other any more. We both know we do." He squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. "I think you need some time to yourself…but can we talk about this later?" 

Kathryn simply nodded. 

"Your quarters after duty shift?" 

"Okay." 

"Good," he said standing. "Please…don't feel any shame about this. Neither of us should. It wasn't our fault. I'd be mortified if I thought you were beating yourself up about this, because you were just incredible!" Kathryn allowed a weak smile. "Look on the bright side…at least Chekura didn't take a fancy to Paris or Kim or even Neelix!" 

"Heaven forbid!" she responded in shocked amusement at the thought. "I'd never live that one down!" 

"Or even all three at once." 

Kathryn groaned. "Don't, Chakotay!" she warned. "I suppose it will teach me to be much more cautious in future! I knew I shouldn't have let my guard down." 

"You needed it. Still, at least you can rest assured of my discretion. No-one outside of this room need ever know…" 

Her calm eyes surveyed him gratefully. "Thank you for that, Chakotay. Now…if you could just forget it happened, I might feel happy…" 

Chakotay was silent while he digested this. He regarded her solemnly. "I don't want to…There are parts of it I want to remember…always." 

"Chakotay, you shouldn't store this away…" 

"Kathryn, please don't ask it of me. You cannot force me to forget. I'd rather you allowed that I can treasure it." 

She sighed in resignation. "Well, I guess I have to accept that. There's not much I can do about it anyway." She tilted her head towards him with a half-smile. "Perhaps I should confess something too. Actually…I had a wonderful night." 

Chakotay's face broke into a surprised grin. "There you go then! See what skills Raniil tapped into!" 

"I feel cheated though. I didn't know I was…with you!" 

"We can soon remedy that! Imagine what the real thing would be like!" 

"Huh! A man's answer to everything!" 

"Why not? Don't you think it faintly ridiculous for two people madly in love with each other to be wasting time trying to grasp a few grains of comfort from any passing alien…failing miserably in the process and falling prey to their manipulation? When we could have everything we desire…a beautiful glorious relationship… right here on the ship?" 

"This is not under discussion!" she ordered, suddenly annoyed again. 

"Okay," he answered, unwilling to push things straight away. "Not now then. But tonight…we will talk about it. I'll see you later." With that Chakotay left. 

"Dismissed," said Kathryn sulkily at the door that closed behind him. 

* * *

  


After his shift ended, Chakotay took just enough time to change out of uniform before arriving at her quarters. He didn't want to talk to her as her First Officer, but as the man who loved her. He wasn't surprised to find her still in full Captain's uniform. She fully intended to cling to the professional threads of their relationship. 

Some general discussion of ship's business ensued, and plans were made to break orbit the next day, when Voyager would be fully re-supplied. Apart from the unfortunate experience of the two commanding officers, it could have been considered a successful mission. 

"Kathryn, can we talk about what happened?" 

"What else is there to say? It happened. We were both victims in this. We can't undo it. We just have to get past it." 

"Get past it? How the hell can you expect me to get past it?" 

"I know it won't be easy. But we're professional people. We can handle it." 

"Yes, professionally we can handle it. Nothing will change there. But personally it makes the world of difference. We have to move forward. I can't turn the clock back and fall out of love with you. So, will you take those four damned pips off for a moment and let me talk to the woman I love?" 

She looked at him defiantly, so he pressed close to her and pointedly removed the pips from her collar. He could feel her bristling in annoyance under his fingers, but didn't let it deflect him from his objective. "Kathryn, we've spent years pretending that we don't love each other, and it won't wash any more. We both know the truth, and that is what we have to deal with…right here and right now!" 

He watched her carefully, and she softened a little. Some of the stiff resolution seemed to ebb away. 

"So…where do we go from here?" she asked softly. 

"The bedroom, preferably," he answered without hesitation. Her mouth twisted in amusement. "I want to make love to you for real. I don't want my only experience of being with you to be second hand. Vicarious sex doesn't do it for me." 

"We cannot compromise our professional relationship!" 

"We won't. There is no need for it to be affected at all. We are both capable of behaving professionally outside of these doors, and being lovers within. We are both already used to making decisions that ignore our personal feelings, and that won't change. We can do this. All that will be different on the Bridge is that the Captain and First Officer will be two happier, more fulfilled people." 

"And if it all goes terribly wrong?" 

"Kathryn, that's the dumbest question in the universe. We've had a tried and tested friendship for six years now. This already was the most profound relationship of my life. I already know you can be the lover of my fantasies, and I promise you I'll do everything within my power to be the lover of yours. Besides, I'm much better endowed than Raniil. If you thought he felt good…wait till you feel me inside you! There's no way you'll be disappointed!" Kathryn's mouth quivered uncertainly. She didn't know whether to appear shocked or amused at this. "Does it never occur to you that our professional relationship might be stronger if we are together in every sense? Think how much better it will be, if we are not expending all that energy fighting our feelings for each other." He studied her carefully. She seemed to be staring at the floor, the walls…anywhere but at him. He sensed how she was fighting with herself. She wanted to give in, but could not bring herself to make that final step. "You're scared, aren't you?" 

She looked up in surprise. "Yes. Alright, I admit it. I can't do this without your support, and I couldn't bear to lose your friendship." 

"If you had the slightest inkling how much I love you, you wouldn't wonder if our friendship would survive. You wouldn't doubt how we could be together, whether it would work out. I promise you, your needs and those of the crew will always come first. I accept that's how it has to be." 

"And how do you expect the crew to react?" 

"They'll be delighted. Half of them think we're together anyway. The rest are taking bets on when we will be. There's not a man among them who will begrudge you and me the happiness we deserve. Nobody expects either of us to remain alone and celibate for a lifetime, Kathryn, pining for each other and placing all hope on the slim chance of getting home. Nor will Starfleet, and we'll face them together. So screw protocol. It was never meant for people in our situation!" 

"Maybe we should talk to the crew and the admiralty? Sound them out?" 

"Like hell we will. You think I'm going to let the likes of Paris, or Ayala or even Tuvok decide if I can have sex with you? Still less any stuffy admirals thousands of light years away, who haven't a clue what it's like out here. We don't need their permission. We're two consenting adults. It's none of their business! I'm damned if I'm going to let them interfere with that side of my life, and I'm sure in your heart of hearts you don't want them directing your private life either." 

"No. I suppose not." 

"The only person whose permission I need is yours, Kathryn." 

He looked at her anxiously. He knew he almost had her. He wasn't going to let her off the hook. If he did, he knew the distance would open up again, and they would be back to their careful avoidance of the things that mattered most and of running any risk that they might expose their vulnerability. "I intend to push you. This isn't going to go away. I can't forget what happened. I won't be able to pretend it didn't." 

"You once told me we had plenty of time," she pleaded. 

"And we did, but it was years ago. And I was patient…waiting for you to fall in love with me. But now I know you do, maybe have been all along, it changes everything. I won't let our time together slip away from us. I'm not going to back down here. I seriously think that our professional relationship will be compromised if we don't move forward with this. Let me love you, Kathryn, my darling. Stop fighting this. We both need this and we've nothing to lose…only everything to gain." 

They stared at each other for some time. Kathryn's eyes were shining with emotion. 

"It's time," he added gently. 

There was a faint sniff and she gave an almost imperceptible nod of her head. 

"Kathryn?" 

She smiled at him tearfully. "Then let's sort this out in the bedroom," she offered, as her fingers slipped into his hand. "Quickly…before the Captain comes back!" 

Chakotay threw his arms round her joyfully, pulling her into an enthusiastic embrace. He kissed her on the top of the head and hugged her close. Then, with a flourish, he swept her off her feet and started to carry her towards the bedroom. "I sure hope you've sent her on a very long away mission, my dear," he said with a laugh, "because I have such disgustingly carnal plans for you, they'd shock the pips off our straight-laced Captain!" 


End file.
